Why would anyone choose not to love? Why does a person show off his or her diamonds to friends who can't meet their house payments? Why do employees do everything they can to make sure they get a promotion instead of fellow workers? Why do people lie their way through tight spots, blaming every mistake on someone else? Why do people read in the newspaper every cruel detail of a violent rape? Why does a person have an affair with someone else's wife? Why do they party through the night, drinking until they pass out? Why do they gamble away the family grocery money? Why do they periodically indulge themselves in their favorite form of "orgy", sexual or otherwise?

Why do they rape? Why do they torture? Why do they kill? The questions are endless. The possibilities are as numerous as all the schemes and plots and cruelties and fantasies and perversions the human mind can imagine. The answers are as numerous. They range from "normal instinctive human behavior" to "environmentally aggravated hereditary mental disease". Those who shudder at the acts of someone else often offer explanations that seek to explain how people are "led" into aberrant behavior. Each commentator tries to define and isolate the unacceptable behavior, whether it is some form of sexual perversion or shoplifting or murder. The behavior is seen as a clear deviation from the norm, which can be traced to childhood traumas, social/economic pressures, impressionable minds, etc. When other explanations prove absurd, behavior is often attributed to the catchall "they must be crazy".

I am not prepared to reject the possibility that organic mental disease, and perhaps even non-physical psychological trauma, cause, or contribute to, much of the horrors of the world. In fact, researchers can bring on the most perverse behavior by artificially stimulating the brain with chemicals or electricity. However I am convinced that the vast majority (perhaps all) of human behavior is not determined by external or internal forces acting on the mind, but rather by conscious human choice among more or less clear alternatives.

I am not saying biophysical urges to gamble, drink, have sex, etc., do not exert incredible pressures to act and not think. I realize they are major factors on which we base our decisions. Nor am I saying peer group pressures and lifetime experiences unique to each person's surroundings (in the broadest sense, including teachers and relatives, as well as neighborhoods, etc.) do not exert incredibly strong pressures. What I am saying is neither heredity nor environment nor a combination of both is adequate to explain human behavior.

If a person does not get pleasure from a perverse act, they will not do it. That basic common sense statement, however seemingly true it may appear, has fostered centuries of controversy. Early religious thinkers, and many humanistic philosophers as well, accepted the general proposition that each of us is in control of our behavior. Later generations of scientists saw in such statements a sociopolitical attempt to justify repression of beliefs and lifestyles practiced by any group in a numerical and/or political minority. The scientists virtually ignored the idea that some sort of meaningful individual free will process is involved in decision making, and instead adopted a deterministic approach to human behavior, which described nearly every human action in terms of heredity and external influences.

We have already discussed the idea of human freewill, no one is going to prove free will exists, or that it does not. Your belief about your freewill ability to choose among alternatives is a question of what you believe, or have faith, is true. Yet even those scientists who would answer affirmatively if asked whether humans have a free will, curiously choose sides in the heredity vs. environment controversy, as if freewill plays an insignificant role in decision making.

I believe both hereditary-physiological and environmental-psychological factors are real, and play a crucial, critical role in the human decision making process. However, I believe the controversy over which is "controlling" misses the real point that neither are "controlling". Each influence human beings to a degree that varies from individual to individual. Perhaps many individuals who do not understand such influences are affected to the extent their decisions become virtually automatic, perhaps not. Regardless of the relative strengths of hereditary and environment on human beings, I believe the "controlling" factor in the human decision making process is the definitionally illusive freewill choice. Those who seem to respond automatically to hereditary and environmental pressures do so simply because they have not chosen to do otherwise.

While a significant number of scientists champion various forms and degrees of determinism, in reality, I doubt the majority would argue strongly against the proposition of free will ability to alter conduct. For one thing, to do so virtually takes away any claim of uniqueness for the human species, the species of which all scientists are members. For another, there appears to exist deep within us a feeling of control over our decisions. That feeling does not prove you can make free will choices, but it does not weaken any faith or belief we may have in the existence of free will.

Since we have said we cannot prove or disprove the existence of free will, the fact you feel a sense of ultimate control should tend to strengthen your belief in free will, and is as positive evidence for such belief as you are likely to find. So is the answer to the question "why do people do what they do" simply that they do what they want to do? With the possible exception of those driven by compulsions truly beyond their ability to control, if such compulsions actually exist, the simple answer is people do what they want to do. If you agree, as I do, with those who believe that people have the free will ability to make choices and decisions, you should have little problem agreeing that if you have a choice to do or not to do something harmful to another person, and doing it does not give you pleasure, you will not do it.

But how can anyone want to rape or kill somebody? Even the most sheltered human beings experience, at some time and to some degree, the feelings of physical pleasure that come from sexual fantasies, dreams of wealth, desires to beat an opponent to a pulp. Most of us have led less sheltered existence's and, to varying degrees, know the pleasure of being slightly drunk, of winning the daily double, of an x-rated movie, etc., etc. The list of physical pleasures is long, and for some the degree of intensity of pleasure associated with them seems to increase as their acceptability in society goes down. Yet you know that most people could get no satisfaction from a violent or perverse act, how then can human beings who do violence to other human beings enjoy what they do?

The answer lies in the absolute opposite natures of love and, what for want of any better description, we will call physical pleasure. When you love somebody the last thing you want to do is hurt them. You may choose to "love" some people, but use others for your own pleasure. That pleasure may be sexual, or perhaps may be the feeling of power that can come from being boss and master, or may be any other pleasure that is enjoyed at someone else's expense. You choose physical pleasure when you do any of the millions of possible acts you would not do if you loved people. As you "love" fewer and fewer people, and give less "love" to those people you do love, you get further and further and further away from love.

Even though we may leave love behind, most of us never get so far away that we no longer feel the physical and mental pain which goes with not loving others. When two people who have lost sight of love get together they may enjoy physical pleasures with only a slight and distant feeling something is missing and wrong. Yet for those people there is always a limit to the "pain" they will inflict on another human being. They may not realize such a limit exists, but it does, and it results in their pleasure being cut off by the increasing emotional or physical "pain" of others.

Yet some choose to go so far in their quest for physical pleasure that love becomes distant, unknown, and unwanted. Among those who choose such an existence are people who seek only their own pleasure, pleasure that not only does not diminish, but is enhanced by the pain of others. When love becomes a word without meaning to someone, people that they meet are no longer “people”, they are literally objects, deserving no more than an animal. As more and more people become like animals to a person, so too the one who dehumanizes is dehumanized. No one can continue to consider himself or herself to be something unique and special if they consider others as mere objects of pleasure. Such people, unhampered by feelings of love, can do virtually anything that gives them physical pleasure, without any remorse for the pain inflicted on fellow "animals".

It is hard for people who may not truly love, but who have not come close to abandoning love, to understand the physical pleasures of rape, murder, and all the other horrible perversions imaginable. Yet everyone should realize that people who have virtually abandoned love, and thus have almost no limits on their actions, actually do get pleasure from the perverse. If they did not get pleasure from their acts, they would not do them. (Beyond the people who have distanced themselves from love, are those who have totally rejected and abandoned love, they are discussed in another note.)

Again what we have said comes with the caveat that, among those people who are unable to control some of their actions, perhaps there exists a group of people who cannot choose not to harm others. One can never be sure how many, if any, fall in that group. Since most of us retain at least some of our sensitivity to the pain of others, we tend to label as "crazy" anyone who acts without regard to such pain. Perhaps some people are compelled to do that which harms others, perhaps not. Perhaps (as I believe), everyone, including those who are "crazy", can choose love, perhaps not. What we can say is that those who harm others and who are not “crazy” choose to do whatever brings them the physical pleasure they seek with conscious, reasoned contempt for the pain of others.

I should emphasize that I am in no way suggesting that those who have distanced themselves from love but not totally rejected it cannot reverse course and choose love (again, the possibility of totally rejecting love is discussed in another note). Indeed those people who are engaged in perverse human depravities, but who have not totally rejected love, may at any time choose to love people for the remainder of their lives. Conversely, many who would never dream of committing rape may choose to continue to "enjoy" newspaper accounts of rapes, never losing sight of what love is, yet never choosing to love. Those people continue to be what the former rapist was.

What I am trying to emphasize is that people choose not to love, not because loving makes them feel bad, but because the alternative to loving is physical pleasure which is real and intense and lasting. Those who think that people who choose the perverse don't know what they are doing are kidding themselves. Most, if not all, have made a conscious decision to enjoy physical pleasures at the expense of love. Anyone who wants to understand the millions of people who do millions of acts against love needs to remember those acts give them pleasure. They also need to realize that as long as we live in a hedonistic world, such pleasures will continue to be real, intense, and available to all who choose to enjoy them.

As long as you are busy with the normal routines of life, such pleasures seem remote and less than real. If you risk getting closer to the pleasures, you will find yourself beginning to tingle with an unexpected but pleasant sense of anticipation. If you let yourself go, you will literally be engulfed in a whirlpool of rapidly intensifying feelings that draw you deeper and deeper into mindless enjoyment of the moment.

Those who have not experienced the electricity of physical pleasure, or who might not anticipate the power of a particular experience, are likely to find themselves alternately condemning the moment and wanting it to be more intense. They might justify their actions by promising themselves they will reform immediately after this time; by declaring they are too weak to resist; or, even worse, by asserting that some intellectual insight shows them the overall social desirability of their behavior. It should be noted that those who have experienced the depths of physical pleasures usually describe a sort of disappointment, emptiness, or other negative feeling, which, over time, invades their bliss. This feeling of loss is combated by shaking it from their minds with the help of drugs or alcohol or mind-blanking self-induced euphoria, or by doing a little something different, or by going just a little bit further.

At one time or another most people choose physical enjoyment over love, and some live their entire lives for pleasure. Yet most carry with them an understanding of the dark side of physical pleasure that is an inseparable part of such pleasures. Someone who toys with those pleasures may only glimpse the darkness that accompanies them, and may indeed be able to ignore the feeling within that something is wrong. In fact they may be able to deaden their feelings of love so much that they live their entire lives enjoying physical pleasures while ignoring the inevitable destruction of their lives, as well as the lives of those around them.

The enjoyment of "physical pleasures" is far more pervasive than most people recognize. Have you ever considered the fact that newspapers seldom detail a burglar's entry into a home, or the details of a simple traffic ticket, but practically always go into great detail about rapes and murders. Have you ever noticed the extreme detail in news reports about wars and war machines. That detail, of course, is not accidental. Regardless of claims of news value, it serves no other purpose than to provide a source of perverse, supposedly "harmless", physical pleasure for the reader. Just as the act itself is harmful, the pleasant feelings of morbid curiosity are also harmful.

Those who fantasize about sexual pleasures, perhaps watching an R rated movie or a pro-football half time, are rejecting love as surely as someone who is having an affair with his neighbor's wife. Those who "enjoy" newspaper or television accounts about war, crime, etc., are choosing physical pleasure over love. Love does not come from a person's acts and deeds, but from inside their heart, mind, and soul. If a person is filled with love, their thoughts will be thoughts of love, and their deeds will be deeds of love. I am not suggesting evil thoughts do not cross the minds of those who love, what I am saying is that such thoughts are not welcomed by them. Nor am I suggesting it is no worse to have an affair than it is to see an R rated movie, what I am saying is that those who love do neither. Just as it is not right to kill someone, it is not right to fantasize about killing someone who wrongs you. Just as it is not right to have sexual relations with someone for physical pleasure, it is not right to replace thoughts of love with sexual fantasies. Fantasies of lust and power and money replace feelings of love with dreams of physical pleasure, weakening the love between people. Thoughts about "physical pleasures", sexual or otherwise, are the opposite of thoughts of love, and crowd more and more love out of our heart, mind, and soul.

If you have searched your heart, mind, soul, your very being, and know and understand love, then you know that choosing physical pleasure is the opposite of choosing love. If and when you truly know and understand love you will understand that choosing physical pleasure destroys love. Each moment that you choose physical pleasure could have been a moment that you chose love. When you truly know and understand love you will know and understand that you should always choose love.

NEXT > You’re Not Normal If You Think I’m Not Normal HOMEPAGE